Unconscious Mating

CHEAP GIFTS FROM THE HEART 

Valentine’s Day is about showing someone that they are important to you.  It’s not about how much you spend.  If finances are a challenge, don’t let that stop you: 

 -Write the person you care about a poem -make a mixed CD of songs that remind you of them- create a photo collage of the two of you- create a Valentine’s Day card listing the things you most appreciate about them-cook a meal by candlelight and buy boxes of candles at the dollar store- create an IOU listing things that you will do for them-like give them 5 back and foot rubs, sing them a silly song when they are sad or wash their car- write them a song or sing them a romantic song or dedicate a song to them on the radio -create a scavenger hunt with little gifts from the party store or the dollar store.   

If you are creative, your gifts can be low cost or free.  

Sometimes the activity can be free as well: Drive to a scenic overlook and look at the city lights, dress warm and bring a cozy blanket to the beach, rent their favorite romantic movie and have strawberries dipped in chocolate and champagne, look up free local events and go to a church or coffee bar concert, do something original like go roller skating or ice skating together or find a beautiful spot to slow dance.  

                                           CREATE A PERSONAL INTENTION:

1-Create an IOU for four ‘Ladies Nights or Days Out’ where you will watch the kids so she can go to a spa or out with her friends.  Give this to her with a card explaining that she is always giving love and support to all of you and now you want to her to have time to give back to herself. 

2-Make her ‘Queen For a Day.’  Make her breakfast in bed, let her choose whatever she would like for you to do that day and then set aside time later to run her a bubble bath, give her a full rub down and douse her with a new bottle of her favorite lotion and perfume.   

3- Take her to the place that you went on your first date, have them play your song and make a toast, telling her all the reasons that you love her more each day.  List all the things you appreciate about her in your card and let her know why your life would not be the same without her. 

Pay attention to the little details that reflect her like her favorite food, drink, song, flower, places, activities and the things that relax her.  She will love how much you really know her.  You can do the same for him. 

                                          SINGLES-For Yourself: 

-Treat yourself the way you want to be treated.  Take yourself for a spa day and pamper yourself. 

-Make special plans with people you love. 

-Order yourself a dozen roses and do something you always wanted to do by yourself or with a friend. 

                                                          FOR YOUR SINGLE FRIENDS:

-Don’t forget to show them that they are loved.  Send them a card letting them know why they matter to you. 

-Send balloons to their work or a big bouquet of flowers. 

-If they have given up on love and all the dating games, get them my book, ‘Dating From the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart,’ so that they can remember why they are loveable and begin to date authentically again, to find their true mate. 

 Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman wrote, ‘Dating From The Inside-Out: Using The Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart,’ published by Atria Books in February 2008. Dr. Sherman is the Director of ‘My Dating School, www.mydatingschool.com which offers classes in dating issues & coaching, hosts an online singles community and offers a free monthly dating e-newsletter. She is a dating expert on television and radio, a Licensed Psychologist, a certified coach and an ordained minister, able to marry the singles that she coaches in most states.  Her mission is to inspire and enlighten transformative relationships. 

The Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred. One legend says Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II outlawed marriage for young, single men – Valentine defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When his actions were discovered, Claudius had him put to death. Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons where they were often beaten and tortured. In another legend, Valentine actually sent the first ‘valentine’ when in prison he reportedly fell in love with a young girl who may have been his jailor’s daughter. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter, which he signed ‘From your Valentine.’ So St. Valentine was probably someone who took a stand to love others, even in the worst conditions, whether it was to help them find love or to declare it himself. So often singles feel sorry for themselves on Valentine’s Day and they think endlessly about what they currently don’t have, especially love. Why not be like St. Valentine and spread love even in the most challenging of times? Here are some ideas about how:

 • Think of someone who is experiencing something unfair and bring them love in some way (examples include visiting the elderly, homeless, battered wives, home bound children etc.)

 • Fix up a single friend who is lonely. According to Quantum Physics, ‘If you want something, give it away!’

• Give a Valentine saying that you love someone (even if you won’t hear from them ever again). Don’t expect a response. Do it from a place of unconditional love.

• Take a risk in the name of love-whether it means asking someone out, asking forgiveness or giving someone who has disappointed you another chance.

 • Find a loving couple that you can support. Instead of feeling jealous, let them know how they inspire you and offer to support their love by babysitting or helping out in some way. Look around you and I’m sure you’ll discover your own way to be like St. Valentine. This year, Valentine’s Day can be about more than getting flowers, chocolates or having some cute date on your arm. Love someone else. Because according to Quantum Physics (and perhaps even St.Valentine’s legacy) the more you are Love, the more you’ll attract it!

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman wrote, ‘Dating From The Inside-Out: Using The Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart,’ published by Atria Books in February 19, 2008. Dr. Sherman is the Director of ‘My Dating School, www.mydatingschool.com which offers classes in dating issues & coaching, hosts an online singles community and offers a free monthly dating e-newsletter. She is a dating expert on television and radio, a Licensed Psychologist, a certified coach and an ordained minister, able to marry the singles that she coaches in most states. She speaks monthly on dating at the Learning Annex. Her mission is to inspire and enlighten transformative relationships.

We can only love others as much as we love ourselves.  So take responsibility for really enjoying your Valentine’s Day this year by giving to yourself.  Here are a few ideas to get you started: 

1- LOVE YOUR BODY- Go to a day spa, get a massage, facial, pedicure, make over, buy a great outfit or sign up for a series of yoga classes.  Worship your temple and take time to relax and settle in. 

2-LOVE YOUR SPIRIT- Reflect on your spiritual nature by doing something that activates your Higher Self.  Buy yourself an inspiring book, begin a new journal, join a meditation class or tune in to what really nurtures your Spirit. 

3-LOVE YOUR FEELINGS- look at what moves you in your life and take time to appreciate it all.  It does not have to be romantic love-if you are a school teacher, think about how the children love you.  Flood yourself with images of the people who have loved you in your life and who you continue to love.  Let those loving feelings fill you up. 

4- THINK LOVING THOUGHTS- Think about the many things you can appreciate about your life and who you are.  Write a love letter to yourself, accounting for the great things that you have done this year. 

5- LOVE YOUR SENSES- Indulge your senses by surrounding yourself with stimuli that you love.  Get a gorgeous perfume, delicious incense, buy your favorite flowers, food or bathe in a rose-petal Jacuzzi by candlelight.   

6-LOVE THE COMMUNITY YOU’VE BUILT- Look at the community of friends, family, neighbors and co-workers that you have created and appreciate who you are to each person.  Acknowledge the energy you put into creating those relationships and know that you will create more with everyone you touch.   

7-NURTURE YOUR DREAMS- We often go through life so busy and full of responsibility.  Take time to identify and honor your dreams.  If you always wanted to go to
Hawaii to paint, start a fund and regularly save for this trip.  If you’ve always wanted to take a hot air balloon ride, circle a date on your calendar.  Don’t wait for the love of your life to arrive to fulfill all your dreams.  Surprise and love yourself like that today! 

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman wrote, ‘Dating From The Inside-Out: How to Use The Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart,’ published by Atria Books in February 2008. She is the Director of ‘My Dating School, www.mydatingschool.com which offers classes in dating issues & coaching. A Licensed Psychologist, certified coach and ordained minister, Dr. Sherman can marry the singles that she coaches in most states.

By: Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman

1. Place love notes all around the house stating why that person is so special

2. Create a large card and have everyone (coworkers, family and friends) add a different message about how that person is lovable.

3. Write ‘I Love You’ in lipstick on the bathroom mirror

4. Dedicate their favorite love song to them on the radio, saying what they mean to you.

5. Write a poem or letter describing what a difference they make in your life.

6. Create a photo album of your favorite memories together, with comments.

7. Make a gift basket with all their favorites-candy, wine, magazines, books by their favorite author, favorite music mix, favorite movie and a gift card to their favorite store to show them how well you know them.

8. Send them a singing telegram to make them smile-or do it yourself.

9. Make a speech at dinner (with family or friends) describing what it feels like to love that person and describe what a difference they make in your life.

10. Find a little surprise to give them every day for a week- a book, tape, flower, picture, picnic lunch, card or a scented candle.  Make them feel consistently special, as they do for you.

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman wrote, ‘Dating From The Inside-Out: Using The Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart,’ published by Atria Books in February 2008. Dr. Sherman is the Director of ‘My Dating School, www.mydatingschool.com which offers classes in dating issues & coaching, hosts an online singles community and offers a free monthly dating e-newsletter. She is a dating expert, a Licensed Psychologist, a certified coach and an ordained minister, able to marry the singles that she coaches in most states. 

We all know that being single isn’t always easy, particularly during the holidays.  During the time period from November-February we are often confronted with Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and Valentine’s Day.  And before we even know what hits us, we are reeling.  Instead of feeling our bounty, we often end up concentrating upon what we don’t have-namely a partner.

Sometimes our family brings it up and sometimes it’s that annoying voice in our own head.  You can be proactive this year and do some things to ensure a great holiday season for yourself. 

1-     Make Plans-Don’t ignore the holidays and then get slammed with depression when Valentine’s Day hits and you have nothing to do.  Think about how you would like to spend the day and plan something you’d love to do, either alone or with a friend.  Don’t feel helpless.  Take charge of the situation and create a wonderful day.

2-     Focus on Someone Else-We often feel like the loneliness most pathetic person around and we do not take into account that there are many people who are worse off then us.  Be generous and share your love with the elderly, homeless, disabled etc.  It will make you feel good about yourself and will remind you what an impact your presence has in this world.

3-      Mingle- Do not sit home in your reindeer pajamas.  If you want to meet someone, get busy!  Come to my dating classes, join an online dating site, and go to parties and singles events.  See what singles events your church or temple offers.  The holidays can be a great time to connect with other singles who are feeling the same way that you are. 

4-      Be Good To Yourself- When you are not getting the love and affection from a romantic partner, it is important to give it to yourself.  Go to a spa, get a massage, take a bubble bath or make a great meal for yourself.  Don’t wait for that ‘special someone’ to live it up.  Start today! 

5-      Appreciate What You Do Have- We often focus on what is going wrong in our lives or what is missing.  Take time to really appreciate what is terrific about you and your life.  Think about all the ways you make a difference in this world and all the people who love you and why.  Do this until the love and happiness inside you is overflowing.  Now we are in the holiday spirit! 

6-     Be in Community- Being single often makes us feel lonely, so it is important to be part of community.  This can include being among family, friends and other singles.  If you do not have an existing community than think of something you are interested in and look it up online.  You may find a community for bikers, hikers, vegetarians, Unitarians etc.  Go to an event or holiday party.  You never know who you will meet.

7-      Validate Where You are Today- Part of what is hard about holidays is that family members (and sometimes our own critical voice) imply that we ‘should’ be in a serious relationship heading to marriage.  Whether it is what you want or not, right now you are singles.  There are a lot of benefits to being single too.  Do not let critics (inner or outer) determine your worth or path.  Remind yourself that where you are right now is good and that you are in the process of manifesting all that you want in your life at your own pace.  Be kind to yourself and embrace each moment for what it is.  It is all any of us can do. Most of all, remember: you are loveable. 

Happy Holidays! (a bit early) 

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman wrote, ‘Dating From The Inside-Out: Using The Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart,’ published by Atria Books in February 2008. Dr. Sherman is the Director of ‘My Dating School, www.mydatingschool.com which offers classes in dating issues & coaching, hosts an online singles community and offers a free monthly dating e-newsletter. She is a dating expert, a Licensed Psychologist, a certified coach and an ordained minister, able to marry the singles that she coaches in most states.