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Is It Biology or Love that Influences our Romantic Choices?

My book, ‘Dating from the Inside Out’ encourages readers to date consciously. It presupposes that singles have to combat their own dating psychology to choose mates with greater awareness. When I refer to our need to combat our dating psychology, this includes our familial blueprint, limiting beliefs about love and the opposite sex, our dating context and past relationship baggage. Although my book does reference the chemical pull of lust as one of our unconscious drives, I did not recognize the full impact that biology may have upon our choice of mate.

I recently read some amusing, interesting, possibly frightening (and maybe suspect) research about DNA Dating and how hormones might influence our mate selection. Some researchers found that whether you are attracted to or repulsed by a man’s body odor may depend upon your respective immune systems. In one study, women were asked to sniff t-shirts over several days to see which smells they liked. Women preferred the body odor of men who had major histocompatibility complex (MHC) gene variants that are mostly different from their own. Some scientists explain that this particular bias assures that children may inherit a more diverse MHC and immune system and that if mates’ MHC genes are too similar than kids may not be as healthy.

I have posted some links to relevant articles and studies below and am not sure how accurate and significant these findings are. Furthermore, I wanted to share two amusing outgrowths of this research.

First, there are now several dating sites that test your MHC gene variant compatibility and match you up with a compatible partner! Some of these dating sites include www.genepartner.com and www.scientificmatch.com (I’ve listed links to those dating sites below). They test you by sending you a swab kit so that you can brush the inside of your cheek! Then they match you with the most genetically compatible mate! Yes, dating just became even more complex!

Secondly, they have invented and are selling a nasal spray called ‘Liquid Trust Oxytocin’ which is called the new ‘love hormone’ and it is also based upon your smell of hormones. One study found that a whiff of oxytocin made dates seem more attractive. Supposedly oxytocin increases trust, makes people bond and tune into each other at deeper levels. Some scientists even suggest that using this spray could be used as a tool in marriage therapy and could help existing couples be closer!

Are you laughing yet? Science is amazing but personally I feel that as we grow as human beings, we get more conscious and try to understand and move beyond our biological urges. We don’t necessarily move to manufacture and commercialize our biolgical urges to manipulate love. This is just my take on it. What is yours? Will any of you be joining these dating sites and testing your gene variants?

Do any of you feel even more strongly and think that using science to procure love is reminiscent of some scary science fiction novel or Orwell’s ‘Animal Farm’? Just trying to make you think…

Please share your comments below.

My Best in Love,

Paulette

Bio:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist and author of ‘Dating From the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ published by Atria Books. She’s the Director of http://www.mydatingschool.com which offers coaching and classes in dating issues. She was a speaker at The Learning Annex for over two years and was an expert on television shows such as the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show. She has been quoted as a relationship expert in MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Lifetime.com, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, ‘Seventeen, Complete Woman’ magazine and the NY Times.

ALSO, IF YOU’D LIKE TO ASK ME A QUESTION ABOUT DATING, LOVE OR MARRIAGE, EMAIL ME AT kpaulet@verizon.net. I WILL TRY TO ANSWER YOU (anonymously) IN A COLUMN. THANKS!