5 Signs of Disinterest & Ways to Say No at Singles Spots
Tonight I was told a story about a beautiful single woman in her 30’s who went to a bar with some friends and was hounded by a man in his late 50’s. She agreed to dance with him once and then politely told him that she just wanted to spend time with her friends. She complained that it was annoying and uncomfortable because he would not get the hint and he kept hanging around insisting that he buy her another drink or that she dance with him. She kept politely declining but he mentioned to her friend that she had been mean to him. She wished that he would have been a little more attuned to her signs of disinterest and she also wanted some polite tips on how to say no in the future. Her experience inspired this article.
So here are 5 Clues that a Woman is Just Not that Into You:
1. She declines a drink or says that she does not want to dance
2. She says she prefers to hang out with her friends
3. She looks around and does not make eye contact
4. She plays with her blackberry and seems to prefer it to you
5. She would rather pay for her own drinks then get a few for free
I appreciate a man who goes after what he wants but it is important to know the fine line between moxy and harassment in dating.
And for all you women who have a hard time saying the word no, here are 5 ways to do so. Say:
1. “Thank you for the offer but I prefer not to dance or get a drink right now”
2. “It was nice to meet you but I’d like to go circulate now”
3. “I enjoyed meeting you but would like to be by myself for awhile. Have a great evening”
4. “I am going to go to the ladies room but I’ll say goodbye to you before I leave.’
5. “Listen, you are very nice but I am not interested in anything romantic right now.”
If you try these semi-polite discouragements and he still won’t get the point, you may need to be even more direct and say, ‘Look, you are probably a great guy but I’m not interested.’ Or ‘Please stop following me around!’ Obviously this depends on the level of his insistence and disregard for your boundaries.
It is important to be polite but women should not feel bad for saying no when they’re not interested in someone. In the short-term it might be disappointing to him but it saves him from springing for drinks and finding out the bad news down the road.
On the other hand, if you are the type that says no to everyone then you can read my other article which talks about giving people who ‘may not be your exact type’ a few chances and how this can sometimes be helpful.
Everyone has these uncomfortable moments when going to singles spots so you need to practice handling them by saying no, recognizing when others are disinterested and hopefully doing so in the kindest manner possible.
My Best in Love,
Paulette
Bio:
Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist and author of ‘Dating From the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ published by Atria Books. She’s the Director of http://www.mydatingschool.com which offers coaching and classes in dating issues. She was a speaker at The Learning Annex for over two years and was an expert on television shows such as the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show. She has been quoted as a relationship expert in MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Lifetime.com, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, ‘Seventeen, Complete Woman’ magazine and the NY Times.
IF YOU’D LIKE TO ASK ME A QUESTION ABOUT DATING, LOVE OR MARRIAGE, ENTER IT INTO COMMENTS OR EMAIL ME AT kpaulet@verizon.net. I WILL TRY TO ANSWER YOU (anonymously) IN A COLUMN. THANKS!