Dating Advice for Jennifer Aniston… and You!
I woke up this morning to find an article in my inbox called, ‘Shut Up! Dating Experts Slam Jennifer Aniston.’ It provoked a response, even though I was barely awake.
I am all for freedom of thought and divergence of opinion (the American Way) but I found it arrogant for Sherrie Schneider (co-author of the infamous dating manual ‘The Rules’) to offer Jennifer Aniston broad-brush dating advice when she probably does not know her personally, nor does she know the possible depth of her pain or romantic situations.
In addition, it was this universal dispensing of prescriptive dating “rules” that prompted me to write my first book, ‘Dating From the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart.’ My approach as a psychologist was to help people figure out their particular needs and romantic experiences so they could create a dating journey with unique choices that would suit them. This presupposes that we are each different, so what Sheider would chose in a mate might be different from Aniston or myself.
My book also underscores that when we are authentic, we will attract a mate who accepts us as we are. So, if Jennifer Aniston feels that she wants to discuss her break-up with ex-husband Brad Pitt or make a comment about her summer break-up with John Mayer then I say good for her!
She is an intelligent, beautiful, grown woman who is in touch with her feelings and willing to honestly express them. The right man for her will applaud that and will know who he is getting when he chooses her.
If everyone acted according to the Rules many would marry without even knowing each other. The divorce rate is high enough from people acting on unconscious issues, limiting beliefs and past baggage. We do not need to add manipulation and dishonesty to that romantic cocktail.
Schneider seems to advocate denial as well saying about Aniston: ‘Never talk about Angelina [Jolie] or call her ‘uncool,’ even if she was uncool. She does not exist in your world.’
This one really amazed me.
I don’t know Angelina or Jennifer, personally, so I cannot comment on Angelina’s ‘coolness factor.’ I can however imagine that Jennifer might find it uncool that Angelina reportedly had an affair with Brad while Jen and he were still married. I also think it perfectly understandable that this affair would register as an event that exists in her world.’
I write this article to caution singles not to follow “expert rules” (even if they temporarily work and foster interest) if they go against your values and who you really are. Do not build your relationship on dishonesty.
Your mother’s advice was probably best: “Be yourself and the right guy will stick around. Tell the truth and the right people will support you. Be proud of who you really are and share it.”
If you want more information about how to create a positive dating journey to help you find your soulmate while being true to yourself and your partner, read my book, Dating From the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart by Atria Books. You can also check out mydatingschool.com for more information about Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman.
And before I go, I’d like to say to Jennifer Aniston, ‘You go girl!’
Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, a dating coach and author of Dating From the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ published by Atria Books and winner of the National ‘Best Books’ of 2008 for Self-Help: Relationships books. She is the Director ‘My Dating School’ in Manhattan, which offers coaching and classes in dating at mydatingschool.com . She was a monthly speaker at The Learning Annex in Manhattan for over two years and has appeared as an expert on television shows such as the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show, as well as many radio programs. She has been quoted in publications such as MSN.com, USA Weekend, Lifetime.com, Reader’s Digest, ‘Glamour,’ ‘Seventeen’ and ‘Complete Woman’ magazine.