Unconscious Mating

10 Right Things You Gain From Dating “Mr. Wrong”
By Dr. Paulette Sherman
We all grumble about spending so much energy on dates that don’t work out.  Here are some reasons that dating ‘Mr. Wrong’ may not be a waste of time:
1. Dating Experience- Anything in life takes practice.  People will tell you to go on a lot of job interviews so you are ready when that perfect job opportunity hits.  It’s the same with dating. 

2. Become clear what you DO want long-term- We often learn what we do want through contrast.  You can take what you do not like in your dates and flip it.  For example, ‘I don’t like that he does not listen to me’ can bring clarity that you want to attract a good listener as your husband.
3. Learn more about yourself & others- We learn from everyone we meet.  If you dislike someone it can teach you about an area where you are intolerant.  Also, even if a date is not a romantic prospect, you can learn something else from them-about their career, art or another new experience. 
4. Explore beyond ‘your type’- We often choose the same experiences.  Once you are married you will hopefully be with that person forever.  So why not ‘get out of the box’ and experience what someone very different is like now?
5. Put dating energy in motion- Often when you want to attract a mate it’s good to circulate interest. This can draw that energy to you and make you feel more confident and abundant.  Also, dating is a numbers game, so sometimes the more people you meet the better your chances for success.

6. Let go of expectations & have fun - The ability to be present and joyful is very attractive in dating.  Allowing the relationship and person to unfold takes the pressure off and makes space for both people to be themselves.   When you are not interested in a date romantically, it is easy to practice enjoying that person in that moment.  This is a great energy to bring to all your dates!
7. Learn to accept a man ‘as is’- When a date is not long-term material it is easy to degrade or criticize them in your mind.  To have a really great relationship, you need to accept your partner as is.  You need to take the good with the challenging.  It is good practice to ‘be with’ dates that are not your ideal.  You can appreciate them without trying to change them.
8. Learn to ’say no’ gracefully- Part of getting to ‘yes’ in anything is learning to say no.  Too many daters hang out for years in relationships that don’t fulfill them.  One or two dates with ‘Mr. Wrong’ is instructive, but two years is destructive to your ultimate goal of attracting what you most want.  Be clear and take a stand about when to leave.  When you practice saying no in a kind way you will generally leave your date feeling okay.

9. Learn to Hear No- Anything you want involves some rejection.  In dating you need to remain confident and continue to love yourself, even when the outcome does not work out as you wish.  80% of the time your date does not even know you, so their ‘no’ has more to do with them.  Move ahead.
10. Free meals (and the ability to keep your sense of humor) -There is something to appreciate in most experiences.  Look for the great meal, your dates talents or interests and appreciate that they took the time to meet you.  This will be better for you and them and it is a great attitude to practice in your life.
Dr. Sherman is the author of, ‘Dating From The Inside-Out: Using The Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart,’ being published by Atria Books in February 2008 Director of ‘My Dating School’ www.mydatingschool.com in Manhattan, she offers classes in dating issues, coaching and sells dating products.  Dr. Sherman will soon host an online social networking community where singles can learn from each others dating experiences, while benefiting from her expertise.  She is a monthly speaker at The Learning Annex, a dating expert on radio and television, a Licensed Psychologist and a certified empowerment coach, specializing in helping her clients date successfully, while facilitating insight.