Unconscious Mating

Horse & carriage ride

This weekend we went away Friday night to Sunday afternoon for our third wedding anniversary. We chose Cove Haven, a Pocono resort that is geared towards couples.
We were set to go for two nights, Friday through Sunday and it wasn’t cheap. Two nights and three days in the Juliette Suite was supposed to be $600 and this included large dinners and breakfasts. Our suite had a fireplace and a Jacuzzi. This price also included lots of activities including snowmobiling, snow tubing, ice skating, miniature golf, swimming, roller skating, bocce, ping pong, tennis, racquetball, boxing, board games, dancing and entertainment.
Our first mistake was trying to work all day Friday and then driving three hours to get there starting at 7PM. The last seating for dinner was at 8PM and we arrived by 10PM, exhausted and starving. This was poor planning but when we finally arrived we were eager to go to our room and get a good night sleep. So when we got into our room and it felt frigid like the frozen tundra, we were not pleased. We tried to adjust the heat to no avail. The suite was large and the heater was the size of a small air conditioner. We called the maintenance who said that it would take at least 4 hours to heat the room now that the heater was turned on and the maid was supposed to have left it on before our arrival. Housekeeping then brought us three extra blankets but I still felt like I was sitting outside in the snowstorm. We lit our duraflame log in the fireplace and although it was pretty, it gave off no heat!
So trying to be good romantic sports, we filled up the hot tub with hot water and sat in there, shivering. I joked to my husband that we could sleep in there, taking shifts so neither of us drowned throughout the night. This probably would have been the best plan but instead we dried off and tried to sleep in the bed. I joked to my husband that if honeymooners had to sleep in a coat, gloves, scarf, hat and two pairs of socks, it would not prove very romantic. Anyway, joking aside, I had the worst night’s sleep of my life (even as the mother of a now 19 month old son).
Somewhere around 5am the room chill waned and we were able to be comfortably in our room and to eventually enjoy our included breakfast in bed at 10am. I was determined to speak with the manager and then partake in all the scheduled days activities. We did go to the front desk and explained our first night situation and the manager agreed that he would refund our first night’s stay. So our cost for the three days would now be $300 instead of $600. That helped.
We then went on to have a horse and carriage ride (for an extra $20) with another couple. The couple with us had been to Cove Haven 25 years ago for their honeymoon and now they were back after they’re 5 kids were grown. They told me it had not changed much and that another couple they met had been there 18 times! Okay, so maybe there was some magic we should still be open to experiencing. Afterwards we attended a free activity called the XXX Newly Wed Game run by honest Phil (who has worked there for 37 years). Ian and I were prepared to participate in the regular Newly Wed Game where you guess each other’s favorite soap and movie but we were unprepared for this game and decidedly glad that we did not choose to participate. We remained in the audience watching couples of all stages describe the length of their husband’s privates, the sexual things they’d most like their partner to do if they could hypnotize them etc. It was funny to watch.
Afterwards we went to watch a deer feeding, where three deer came to graze on feed provided by the staff. This was a special moment.
We had dinner in the dining room, which was very good. Afterwards there was a comedian, a magician and a cover band but we were tired so we opted to go back to our room instead. Needless to say, this was a better day and there were a lot of included activities.
On our last day we had breakfast in the dining room (which is larger and more elaborate than the breakfast in bed option). We went indoor ice skating and played miniature golf, bocce and ping pong. Then we took a tour of six rooms on the property, all ranging in price and features. ‘The Champagne Tower’ was the nicest and this weekend it was priced at $500 per night versus our room ‘The Juliette Suite’ which was $300 a night. Our tour guide told me that there were 274 rooms on the property. It started out as a resort exclusively for honeymooners and later became a couples resort for couples at all stages.
They also had roaming photographers who took your pictures for free and then you could buy the 5×7 photos that you wanted for $10. So, couples seemed to come away with a mixture of good eating, romance, relaxation, memories and convenient activities. There was a free shuttle van that would drive you from location to location so you did not need to drive yourself or walk the campus in the freezing weather.
In the end, we had a good time and enjoyed our stay. I still think the rooms seem a bit overpriced but I guess it is a weekend away that does not need to include airfare and it is inclusive of two meals a day plus varied activities. Many couples adore this place. For us it was a nice weekend away and the rooms were certainly better than an ordinary hotel. My husband and I gave it 7.5 stars out of 10. So if you do choose to check it out, please keep these tips in mind:
-Bring your own alcohol, wine, beer and mixed drinks are extra (ie: not included).
-Bring bubble bath because they do not have it for the hot tubs (even though it’s in the website pictures).
-Call ahead to make sure the heater is on in your room before you arrive.
-Come early on Friday night (if you are paying for it) so you can do the activities that day and eat dinner. Otherwise leave home early Saturday and just pay for Saturday night there.
-If you want a massage, book your appointment before you get there so there will be a slot available.

In my opinion it is important for couples to get away for their anniversary or special occasions for a mini break at least once a year. It is often an easier undertaking when it is drivable and it only requires a few days away, especially if you have kids.

There are plenty of other couples resorts, B&Bs etc from which to choose but I just wanted to share our getaway experience with you here. If you have other great suggestions for a couple’s weekend destinations, please share it under comments below.

I’ve posted a large slideshow of our pictures from our weekend stay here at http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-2473-NY-Love-Examiner~y2010m2d7-An-Anniversary-Weekend-GetAway-Date-Cove-Haven-Resort  Enjoy!

My Best in Love,

Paulette
www.mydatingschool.com  

Author of ‘Dating from the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ published by Atria Books.

CONTACT INFO:
Cove Haven
194 Lakeview Drive
Lakeville, PA 18438
800-972-2451
http://www.covepoconoresorts.com/RESORTS/CoveHaven.aspx?c=1&source=ppcprop_6H&PS=PS_aa_msn_cove_haven_062706_NAD_FM  

Related Links & Reviews:
http://www.tripadvisor.com/Hotel_Review-g52965-d102226-Reviews-Caesars_Cove_Haven_Poconos-Lakeville_Pennsylvania.html  
http://www.poconovacations.com/caesarscovehaven-reviews.aspx  
http://travel.yahoo.com/p-hotel-346105-cove_haven_resort-i  
http://www.mytravelguide.com/hotels/profile-80918106-United_States_Pennsylvania_Lakeville_Caesars_Cove_Haven.html
 

Slideshow of cove Haven weekend

Outside view of The Water Club at night

Yesterday was our 3 year wedding anniversary so I called that morning to see if we could score a Restaurant Week dinner to celebrate after work. I had always wanted to go to ‘The Water Club’ which is a docked boat on the East River with big windows and tables by the water with skyline views. It is a very romantic place with great views, excellent food and good service. Anyway, they managed to squeeze us in with a small table for two with a view, even though it was last minute. Thank you!
Their Restaurant Week menu was a three course prix fixed menu with three options for each course but as luck would have it, that night they were serving lobster as one of their selections! I ordered the lobster bisque soup, lobster as my entrée and key lime pie for dessert. My husband got the Maine lobster salad, braised short ribs and the layered chocolate cake. All this was $35 a person which is probably at least a third of what it would be normally! We also got two sodas so our total bill was $80. They also have free valet parking (where you can tip as you like) but we did not use it.
The waiter cut up the lobster for me so I did not have to do it. It was a special treat. I decided that lobster is my second favorite food, after pizza!
In terms of dress, they recommend nice shirts for the men and prefer ties but do not require jackets. It is an elegant fancy place, so dress accordingly.
Their Restaurant Week menu offer extends until February 7th and it includes dinners Monday through Friday nights and Sunday evenings and is $35 per person. Their Restaurant Week lunch menu is $24.07 per person. A perhaps little known fact is that they have an ONGOING prix fixed three course menu that is available for dinner Monday through Fridays for $35 per person. So if you miss Restaurant Week, you can still participate in that later on. Just let them know you will order from that menu option when you make your reservation.
I would absolutely recommend the Water Club as a very romantic dinner date option, especially during Restaurant Week. They also offer a three course Valentine’s Day prix fixed menu with live jazz on Valentine’s Day for $90 per person. I know that sounds like a lot but it is less than the $145 per person I have been seeing at equal establishments. They have an ongoing brunch prix fixed for $39 per person. So if you go (anytime) you will impress your date with dining on a boat with water and skyline views, lots of Christmas lights, candles on the table and great food.
I’ve posted their contact information, reviews and my slideshow below.
CONTACT INFO:
The Water Club
The East River at 30th Street
NY, NY 10016
212-683-3333
http://www.thewaterclub.com/
Enjoy!
My Best in Love,
Paulette
www.mydatingschool.com  

Related Links & Reviews:

http://www.yelp.com/biz/the-water-club-new-york  
http://www.tripadvisor.com/Restaurant_Review-g60763-d491014-Reviews-The_Water_Club-New_York_City_New_York.html  
http://events.nytimes.com/mem/nycreview.html?res=9405E4D61E38F930A15751C1A962958260  
http://newyork.citysearch.com/profile/7119290/new_york_ny/the_water_club.html  
http://www.zagat.com/Verticals/PropertyDetails.aspx?VID=8&R=51286  
http://newyorkdailyphoto.blogspot.com/2007/09/water-club.html
 

Okay, so Valentine’s day is coming up and you have to figure out what do for that man or woman that you’ve been dating. What is enough and what is over-the-top? Err…
Sometimes when we are nervous about doing something wrong, we just stick our head in the sand and do nothing, thinking that it will all go away. You may think that Valentine’s day is no big deal but it might be important to your date and she may be looking at it as one way to know that you care.
So, I’ll make three tiers of suggestions here, depending upon the seriousness of your relationship. This will include some DO’s and DON’TS of gift buying, activities and cards for the big day of LOVE.
1) WHAT TO DO’s: Location/Activities

Dating a few months- Go to a romantic restaurant or cook him/her dinner by candlelight
Dating 6 months-Go to a romantic concert or go away together for the weekend
Serious or married- Do all of the above plus some other romantic surprises, like write her a poem or create a scavenger hunt for her with love notes. Be creative and put in some effort to show her (or him) how much they mean to you.
WHAT NOT TO DO: Location/Activities:
Dating a few months- Forget Valentine’s Day completely
Dating 6 months- Ask her what she wants to do and then show no enthusiasm for planning with her or being together that day
Serious or married- Hang out at home watching football and shout out, ‘Hey babe, Happy Valentine’s Day!’ But hopefully you KNEW that already…
2) WHAT TO DO’s: Gifts
Dating a few months- buy her beautiful flowers and chocolates (unless she is on diet)
Dating 6 months-a romantic piece of jewelry and mushy card saying how much she means to you.
Serious or married- Do all of the above plus something to create ongoing romance. For example, create IOU’s for massages or for future breakfasts in bed. Create a gift that keeps on giving!
WHAT NOT TO DO: Gifts:
Dating a few months- Don’t get her lingerie. She might get offended, especially if you have not slept with her yet. That, my friend, is a gift for YOU.
Dating 6 months- Get her wireless internet (like my husband once did) or a lamp because her place is too dark. Valentine’s Day gifts are normally best when romantic not practical. But I’m sure there are exceptions to this if you know her well.
Serious or married- Buy her an iron or vacuum cleaner because, you noticed the old one wasn’t working and you wanted to help her to help out!
Okay, moralizing is done, I know you’ll do great.  If you don’t like my suggestions at least this gives you a heads up that this year’s ‘DAY OF LOVE’ is coming and it gets you thinking about what you do want to do for it (next Sunday) and why it’s important (ladies, you’re welcome).

Lastly, things most women do not often like:
1. You forgetting Valentine’s Day completely
2. Them seeing you buy something last minute while you are shopping with them
3. Seeing you go out with someone else that night (even if it’s your same sex group of friends)
4. Feeling like they are your pal instead of your lover that day
5. Feeling like they care so much about you, but you don’t value or acknowledge  them.

So please, think it over and make the little effort that it takes to really brighten your date’s day on this upcoming Day of Love. You will both be happy that you did, and so will I.

My Best in Love,

Paulette
www.mydatingschool.com  

Author of ‘Dating from the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ published by Atria Books.

Iviva Olenick’s ‘Dating Post-It’ Art

her website

On Sunday night I was at an event at the Muriel Guepin gallery in Prospect Park. It is a lovely gallery that hosts art classes (for children and for adults) and I enjoyed talking with the gallery owner there. As if by serendipity, she pointed out some embroidered art work that I had missed and it turns out that it was all about dating!
The artist was a 34 year old visual artist called Iviva Olenick who creates narrative embroidery about her dating experiences. She teaches embroidery at Pratt, something called the embroidered art journal. I thought that it was a completely clever idea because I’d never heard of it before (unusual in NY) and the arts are a great outlet for expressing dating angst. Some of her pieces there said things like, ‘My relationships are nutritionally deprived. It started with my recession boyfriend’ or ‘You were my marathon. If I ran fast enough I dreamed you’d be with me at the end.’ Her smaller pieces were called ‘post-its.’ What a cool idea:-‘dating post-its!’
I was curious to learn more about this single visual poetess so I sent her an email when I got home and asked to interview her by phone the next day. I wanted to know a little about what she chose to express her dating experiences through art. She told me that at one point she was dating a lot and she had a lot of phrases in her head and felt like they needed a physical format. It felt cathartic to create this artwork and later she wanted people to see the content. Then she showed her friends and they got excited and started to tell her even more dating stories, which fed her work. Iviva says that she is not dating as much now because she is so busy working, running and creating art. She creates her pieces on the subway, during her commute. In terms of finding love, she believes that the right person will come to her while she is on her path. She says that everyone wants a home in someone else and that it is a basic part of being human to want true love. I teased her that her art work was one way of really putting herself out there in the world and that maybe someone would see it, learn about her and contact her for a date. You never know. I think it’s true that you often draw like-minded people to you when you are following your bliss in many ways and you are being your authentic creative self in the world.
So if you want to see some of Iviva Olenick’s art work, check out the great new Muriel Guepin gallery in Park Slope, Brooklyn. I’ve posted the website below. Some of Iviva’s pieces cost only $120 which could be reasonable to collect even for young single art lovers. If you are looking to buy even more of her work you can also go to the Affordable Art Fair in NYC in May where Muriel will be selling it ( May 6-May 9, 2010). See that link below too.
I also think it would make a fun date to go the museum to see her artwork about dating and to joke and discuss the topics covered.
If anyone else knows of different artistic mediums through which artists are currently expressing their dating experiences and lessons, please post them under comments. Personally I think art is a great way to transform angst, pain or desires into something beautiful and of value to all involved.

TO see a slideshow with more samples of her work, go to: http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-2473-NY-Love-Examiner~y2010m2d2-The-Art-of-Dating-Expressing-dating-lessons-through-art
My Best in Love,

Paulette
www.mydatingschool.com
Author of ‘Dating from the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ published by Atria Books.

Relevant Links:
http://wereisobesotted.blogspot.com/  
http://www.neoimages.net/artwork.aspx?nid=2034966  
http://www.IvivaEmbroiders.etsy.com  
http://www.neoimages.net/artistportfolio.aspx?pid=2446  
http://www.neoimages.net/artistportfolio.aspx?pid=858  
http://www.murielguepingallery.com/  
http://www.aafnyc.com/exhibitors.php  
 

Iviva Olenick’s Narrative Embroidery About Dating

It was Restaurant week and we arranged to have dinner at ’21,’ one of the most elegant and acclaimed restaurants in the NYC. I’m embarrassed to admit that one of my first sources of name recognition derived from a Danielle Steele novel that I read on the beach many years ago. In it this gorgeous rich young heroine dines at ‘21’ in the city, with her new love. So when scrolling through the names of the top restaurants participating in Restaurant Week, this one jumped out at me.
Anyway, I was happy to easily get reservations for a Saturday night there with the Restaurant Week prix fixed menu. I was shocked when they took my credit card number to hold my reservation, asked for my home address and then quizzed me about any upcoming anniversaries or birthdays. You could tell this was a high caliber place where you had to pass muster to even think about eating there and I wondered if I’d have to put up my toddler to keep my reservation. But all was well.
Also, there is a dress code: Jeans and sneakers are not permitted. Jackets are necessary for gentleman, with ties preferred at dinner. So my husband was wearing a suit.
Part of having dinner at ‘21’ is that you get 6 hours of free parking, even with the Restaurant Week prices. So instead of circling around for 30 minutes and trying to park on the street, we pulled right into the Central garage and walked a few paces into the restaurant. This must be how the rich do it. Nice.
We arrived early and waited in these red leather wing chairs and people-watched. There was a fireplace just behind us and the whole place exuded wealth and elegance. As I watched people go to into the ladies room I was amazed at the beauty, class and taste of this clientele. Many looked dressed for a wedding. This is probably a great venue for single women to meet a rich man or single men to meet a gorgeous classy woman. Just a dating tip.
Anyway, we were seated in the famous ‘Bar Room’ and we chose our 3-course picks from the Restaurant Week menu. I had the white asparagus soup, the salmon and the crème brulee. My husband had the soup, pork tenderloin and chocolate mousse cake. Our only non-included items were a diet soda and coffee. It was excellent, as was the service. Our waiter remembered that it was our three year anniversary next weekend and he brought us two complimentary tall flutes of champagne. He put candles in our desserts so that we could each make a wish.
The décor was really interesting and unique. There were toys hanging from the ceiling. In my up-close slideshow pictures, the ceiling might look like a garage but when juxtaposed with the linen table cloths, dark wood and old world library feeling, it all looked like eccentric elegance to me. I later read that the Bar Room is the only place where a guest can enjoy fine dining while contemplating 75 years of American history. Among the things hanging from that ceiling were helmets of famous football legends, rackets of tennis stars and bats from baseball heroes.
I knew my husband liked this place but I could feel him anxiously anticipating the check. He guessed that they would tack on unforeseen charges, but when the bill came, it was only $40 per person, including tax. And when we picked up our car, it was free so we had saved $40 on the parking too! So we were very happy with the food, service, atmosphere, convenience and even the cost. By glancing at their regular menu, a similar meal would easily have run us $150 per person, so their Restaurant Week menu was at least a third of the normal price for a very memorable evening!
I would highly suggest dinner at ‘21’ taking advantage of Restaurant Week which usually extends from January 26-February 7th but I think that their participation might extend until July 31st so you are in luck! And if you have a birthday or anniversary during that time, definitely let them know. They will treat you very well!
‘21’ has earned many awards including the Wine Spectator Grand Award (2003-2009), the Forbes 2009 All Star eateries in NY, the Visitors Choice Award for best fine dining restaurant and best bar and it was Esquire’s Ten Favorite bars in June 2008.
You may also spot some celebrities there. Recent sightings include Whoopi Goldberg, Robert DeNiro, Clive Owen, Michael Jordan, Kate Winslet, Candice Bergen, Mickey Rourke, Sean Penn, Hilary Rodham Clinton, George Clooney, Bruce Willis, Jon Bon Jovi, Ellie Weisel, David Letterman, Renee Zellweiger, Cybill Shepherd and many more.
Every president since FDR has been a guest of ‘21’ with the exception of George W. Bush. JFK dined at ‘21’ on the eve of his inauguration. Alfred Hitchcock was a regular patron. Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall had their first date at ‘21’ at table 30. Once Groucho Marx ordered one bean and sent it back to the kitchen saying that it was undercooked. This probably speaks to their attention to detail, service (and celebrities).
There were also many movies and television shows filmed at ‘21’, including All About Eve (1950’s), Sweet Smell of Success, Written on the Wind, The Opposite Sex, Wall Street, One Fine Day, Manhattan Murder Mystery, The Associate, Metropolitan and of course my favorite, Sex and the City.
Before leaving we wondered upstairs to take a few more pictures. There were some rooms with beautiful paintings of women representing the spirit of ’21.’ There is a second restaurant called ‘Upstairs at 21’ which is supposed to be very romantic but we could not peek in because there was a party going on. You can sense the history and it definitely feels like an estate. It turns out that ‘21’ opened in 1930 as a speakeasy and on December 31st 2009 it has celebrated its 80th birthday! Man, it is old!
So grab a date and give her a great meal while regaling her about the history and celebrity of this fine established venue. She will be impressed and it won’t cost you a fortune.

Check out my slideshow below for the full experience at: http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-2473-NY-Love-Examiner~y2010m1d31-Dinner-at-21-in-NY-A-Step-Up-For-Us.
My Best in Love,
Paulette
www.mydatingschool.com
CONTACT INFO:
21 Club
21 W. 52nd St (bt. 5th & 6th Ave)
212-582-7200
http://www.21club.com/web/onyc/21_club.jsp  

Related Links:
http://www.21club.com/web/onyc/restwk_wnt10.jsp  (Restaurant Week menu)
http://www.yelp.com/biz/21-club-new-york#hrid:EPwrrNnO4fCWl5UE–K0OQ/src:search/query:21%20restaurant  
http://www.zagat.com/Verticals/PropertyDetails.aspx?VID=8&R=51979  
http://nymag.com/listings/restaurant/21-club02/  

If you were to imagine that you are now dating yourself, how would your relationship be going? I know this is a bizarre analogy (but humor me) and ask yourself these 5 questions about your relationship this morning:
1-How do you speak to yourself?
2-When is the last time that you gave yourself something just as a surprise or to delight yourself?
3-How happy do you make yourself on a consistent basis? Do you prioritize your needs and desires?
4-Do you spend fun quality time getting to know yourself ?
5-Do you find yourself interesting and do you like how you feel, think and look?

Follow my logic …you can’t expect someone else to dig you if you don’t even love yourself.  If you do not treat yourself well nor know who you are, how can you expect another person to? So, let’s look at the above questions in more depth:
1-SELF-TALK: Do you criticize yourself a lot and focus on self-improvement to the exclusion of your strengths? Do you have compassion and enthusiasm for yourself in moments when it is needed? Are you your own biggest cheerleader and one of your best friends? Would you allow a boyfriend to speak to you the way you talk to yourself?  Put your inner dialogue under some scrutiny this week and try to add more kindness to it.
2-SELF-CARE: Do you ever surprise yourself with flowers or a CD that you love? Are you far more generous with others than you are with yourself? Do you ever take yourself to a movie just to make you laugh? Do you get yourself a massage after a particularly stressful month? Think about little ways to take good care of yourself throughout this week and see if you can raise your tolerance threshold for how much love you feel that you deserve.
3-SELF-CONTENTMENT & JOY: Do you stop doing chores and obligations long enough to do the things that you love? Do you run yourself ragged instead of enjoying  your life? Is the only time you eat out or see a play when you are with others? Are you putting our life on hold because otherwise you would have to do some of these things alone? Do you love spending fun and relaxing time alone or do you associate spending time by yourself as being lonely or worse, being ‘a loser?’  Begin to practice being present and in a state of appreciation when you do spend time alone.  If you are comfortable and happy in your own skin then you can be on a date with anyone else.
4- ALONE-TIME: Do you run around seeing everyone else important in your life and never set aside any alone time? Do you take time to journal, scrapbook, write, read, think, walk, explore places and do things that you love, alone? This will make you more independant and will give you a whole world to eventually share with a date or mate.  Also, the relationship that you have with yourself is the only one that you can bet will always be there, like it or not. So you might as well try to like it, right? Don’t run away from your thoughts and feelings. If you feel bored or uncomfortable when you are alone, try to figure out whyand improve on this.
5-SELF-IMAGE: Do you feel that you are attractive, confident and interesting? What you feel about yourself inside efinitely shines through to others. If you do not like how your clothes fit or how the fabrics feel, consider revamping your closet. Get rid of things that do not reflect you on the inside and shop for a few new outfits that do. Consider getting a haircut and some new makeup that makes you feel you look your best. If there are ways that you want to do to develop yourself on the inside, explore them. If you want to read more, join a book club. If you want to cook, take a ooking classr try out some new recipes with a friend. You can grow into the best image of yourself, just don’t do it for someone else.
In my book, ‘Dating from the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ I have a middle section on self-esteem and marrying yourself. So if you feel that your life has become a series of shoulds and pleasing others and that you have little connection with your true self anymore, you may want to read this section.
Often radiance comes from loving yourself and treating yourself well.  This is often that very thing that attracts the right person to you. So, start noticing these five aforementioned areas above and begin to be the date you’d like to attract!
This concept is especially important for singles who don’t currently have that other person to regularly compliment them, take them to the movies, buy them flowers, rub their back and make them feel like a priority. And what can happen sometimes, is that those people start defining their worth based upon male attention (or the lack thereof). This is way too precarious.
But this concept is important for us all (whether we are dating seriously or married) because our mates might be busy or grouchy and even when they are great, we still need to create space to develop our relationship with our n feelings, dreams, desires, needs, thoughts, interests etc. in this life.
So I suggest picking a few hours a week (to start) to date yourself. This means that if someone asks you to do something at that time, you ust say, ‘I can’t. I have plans.’ This will be your first act of prioritizing yourself and although it seems small it will be a marked shift in your life and psyche that will flourish in time.
My Best in Love,
Paulette
www.mydatingschool.com

Author of ‘Dating from the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ published by Atria Books. 

Author Bio:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist and author of ‘Dating From the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ published by Atria Books. She’s also the Director of My Dating School in NYC (http://www.mydatingschool.com ) which offers coaching and classes in transforming dating issues to attract love. She was a monthly speaker at The Learning Annex for over two years and writes a blog as the NY Love Examiner at http://www.examiner.com/x-2473-NY-Love-Examiner~y2009m11d18-Is-there-a-magic-number-for-love . Dr. Sherman is an expert on television shows such as the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show and was a guest on radio shows such as the Curtis Sliwa show on 77WABC. She has been quoted as a relationship expert in MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, True Story, Seventeen and Complete Woman’ magazines, and the NY Times.

Our heart-shaped pizza

We had a really fun date night. I decided to get us a cooking lesson together and I wanted to make our favorite food: pizza. I looked into cooking lessons a bit online and everything I found was at least $100 a person for just one cooking lesson. I‘m sure this is worth it but we are on a budget. So I actually called a pizza place and asked if they could teach us how to make a pizza pie, if I paid them a bit to participate. They were sweet and said that I could watch them make a pie for free but they were not licensed to let us into their kitchen for lessons. Then I found a recommendation for a Chef Robo on yelp and chowhound. He comes to your house and only charges $50 an hour (per couple) to give you a cooking lesson. He was very responsible and fair with us, although I had no recommendations of him and it was the first time that we met him. He does not charge for his travel time and he will even go to your local grocery store to shop with you and he will not charge you for that time either, which seemed great. He said that making pizza would just take an hour and that he’d get the groceries and would bring them with him (my preference due to our baby) and all the groceries were just $12. So I originally picked him based upon price point but his resume said that he attended the NY Restaurant School and he had worked in some top restaurants and done these cooking classes before.
Chef Robo makes all kinds of food so I wonder if he felt uninspired when I told him that I wanted to learn to make pizza. To the contrary, he borrowed a pizza stone to bring with him (so I did not need to buy one yet) and he came with all the ingredients. He left us a whole bunch of leftover dough to freeze, cheese etc so we can make at least 4 more pizza pies later.
To prepare I finally donned the ‘Domestic Diva’ apron that I was given at my bridal shower (and had never yet worn) and my husband put on a gag apron that I had given him as a gift (with a muscle torso on it). We were quite the sight and were ready to cook.
Chef Robo arrived with his girlfriend. We invited her to stay and she took pictures of us while we all cooked. They had actually met each other in a restaurant but she says that now he is so tired from cooking at work that he rarely cooks for her when he comes home. Aww.  I felt bad about that so we had a double date and all four of us shared the pizza afterwards. We had a really great time!
Here is the recipe in case you want to try it at home:
CHEF ROBO’S PIZZA RECIPE:
Ingredients:
8 cups lukewarm water
1 teaspoon dry yeast (buy this in a pizza place from them, it’s different than powdered yeast)
8 cups all purpose flour
Pinch of salt
Fresh mozzarella
Vine ripe tomatoes
Fresh parsley

Also good to have: A pizza stone- which absorbs moisture out of the stone so the crust is crispier. You can buy this online for $20.

Directions:

Preheat your oven to the highest it goes, than drop it down to 350 degrees.
Dissolve the yeast into a bowl of the lukewarm water. Make sure there are no bumps.
Put in 2 cups of flour and a pinch of salt and mix with your hand.
Slowly add the yeast and water mixture so it’s not too sticky. Add flour slowly until it doesn’t really stick to your fingers. Keep your hands covered in flour. Pour some flour on the counter and then flatten dough out into a circle, the size of your pizza stone. Put sauce onto the dough. You can use any store bought sauce or make your own.
Then slice up the tomatoes and mozzarella cheese to place onto the dough. Put a drizzle of olive oil on the pizza stone and place your pizza on it, into the oven at 350 degrees for about 20 minutes.

We made the first pizza thin without crust. If you want crust, you can take egg yolk and water and brush the crust with this mixture to make it shiny.

***

It is delish! I took the initiative to make my pizza pie heart-shaped (a good idea in case you make this for Valentine’s day). We had two pizza pies for dinner and we still have the ingredients for at least 4 more left. Not bad for $65, a great original date night and the ability to make gourmet pizza whenever we want, going forward! So who is coming to dinner at our house?

Chef Robo is available to teach individuals, couples or classes. He teaches a wide variety of cuisine and says that he especially loves doing stir fry’s. He once taught a single guy (who was spending $300 on dates at fancy restaurants  for dinner) to cook fancy gourmet meals for his dates instead. I’m sure the ladies were swooning.

I also think it’s a fun thing for a newly dating couple to do together because it gets you out of your heads and participating in an act of co-creation.

It’s a great date for married folk like us because we could stay home and we did not need a babysitter.

Plus, I’ve been noticing the prixed fixe restaurant charges for valentine’s day.  They are steep.  Maybe you can take a cooking class before then and surprise your date with a home cooked meal.  You will save money in the end, you have learned something and will earn lots of romance points. 

* If you want to hire a chef but are wary about a stranger coming into your house then you can ask for references with education, past customers etc, and check them well or just attend a class at a cooking school or an established location.  I am posting Chef Robo’s link below, as well as some other cooking schools I found.  I’m sure there are many more.  Feel free to post your suggestions under comments.

Check out our slideshow at: http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-2473-NY-Love-Examiner~y2010m1d27-The-Pizza-Making-Date-Thats-Amore below to witness our very yummy fun.
Happy Cooking!

My Best in Love,

Paulette
www.mydatingschool.com  

Author of ‘Dating from the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ published by Atria Books.

Related Links:

http://chefrobo.com/  
http://chefrobo.com/?page_id=3  
http://www.yelp.com/topic/new-york-private-chef-or-cooking-classes-in-nyc  
www.thebrooklynkitchen.com 
www.iceculinary.com
www.thesocialtable.com
www.scrumptiousstreet.com
www.wholefoodsmarket.com/stores/boweryculinary/

The pizza-making date

Restaurant week begins today in Manhattan!  A great way to go to some of the best NYC restaurants for less is to schedule a date night on restaurant week in NYC which is from January 25th to February 7th 2010. There are 260 participating restaurants and you can check them out at: http://www.nycgo.com/restaurantweek  and can really take advantage of some good deals.
Dinners are usually $35 a person for a three-course prix fixed menu and restaurants that offer lunch prix fixed menus can be $25 per person. So check out each restaurant individually to make sure, and make your reservations soon! This is an opportunity to take your date out somewhere extra special for more than half the regular price!
Another fun really cheap date idea for restaurant week is to meet the NY Restaurant Week truck at various locations around the city together. It has soup from 24 of NY city’s BEST restaurants! The soup costs just $6 and it comes with bread. Coke will be handing out free drink samples too. You will also be doing good because $1 of every $6 spent on the food truck will go to the Haiti Relief Fund to aid disaster relief efforts in Haiti. You can check out the truck’s menu at: http://www.nycgo.com/?event=view.article&id=217227&pid=wrw_truck_right_rail#1  and follow it’s whereabouts on twitter at: http://twitter.com/nycgo  . Soup is the perfect warm date food for a winter day, before going ice skating or doing some other fun winter date activity.
So enjoy fine dining for a fraction of the price while you romance your sweetie in the next two weeks. Let us know how it goes and give us feedback on what was great, under comments below. Thanks!
My Best in Love,
Paulette
www.mydatingschool.com
Author of ‘Dating from the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ published by Atria Books.

Here is a really inexpensive last minute romantic date idea for you if you are in a long-term relationship or married: take a relaxing bubble bath together. You can make it extra special by lighting candles and incense, playing music or making your own bath salts etc. Here are 5 benefits to a bubble bath date:
1. It’s free
2. It’s romantic & relaxing
3. You don’t need a babysitter if you have kids
4. You don’t need a lot of time or planning
5. There aren’t a lot of distractions so you can just focus on being together
I’ve listed some ideas for your bubble bath date below:
I) Some Bubble Bath Accessories to Get:
Candles
Incense
Wine or champagne
Relaxing music-classical or love songs

II)   Homemade Bubble Bath Recipe Ideas: or you can just buy this stuff

1) Milk Bath:
Ingredients:
• 3 cups powdered milk
• 1/4 cup oatmeal
• 1/3 cup almond meal*
• 1 capsule vitamin E (break open into dry ingredients)
• 1/3 cup cornstarch

Directions:
Makes enough for a few baths. Combine ingredients make sure its completely mixed. Store in a container. When you are ready to add it to your bath, scoop the desired amount of the mixture and tie securely in a muslin bag or even a facecloth will do. Tie to the faucet allowing the warm water to run over the bag.
* To make almond meal:
Using a blender, grind up blanched or slivered almonds to a powdered consistency.

2) Make Scented Bath Salts:
Ingredients:
2 Cups Sea Salt, Kosher Salt or Rock Salt
20 Drops Essential Oil
Add the essential oil to the salt. Spread it out on a cookie sheet covered with tin foil or parchment paper. (Don’t use paper towels, because they’ll absorb the scented oil.) When it’s dry, which may take as long as 24 hours or as little as 3, pour it into a pretty glass jar with a cover. If you like colored bath salts add non-toxic food coloring to the salts with the essential oil. Use a half-cup and add to running water.
3) Foaming Vanilla Honey Bath
By National Honey Board

Ingredients:
• 1 cup sweet almond oil, light olive or sesame oil may be substituted
• 1/2 cup honey
• 1/2 cup liquid soap
• 1 Tablespoon vanilla extract
http://www.pioneerthinking.com/nhb_vanillahoneybath.html

Movies with romantic bath scenes:

-About Last Night
-The English Patient
-The Reader
-Sweet November

Related Links:
http://www.pioneerthinking.com/milk.html
If you are currently single and want to pamper yourself, have your own bubble bath date! It will help you relax, wash away your worries and get present.
You can visit your local drugstore and pick up some foot or body lotion too and choose your favorite scent.

In these busy times, relaxation is a must.  So what not make it a date night?
My Best in Love,
Paulette

www.mydatingschool.com

Author of ‘Dating from the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ published by Atria Books.

My 99 year old grandmother

I am going to my grandmother’s funeral tomorrow and I can’t seem to think about much else. I realize that this topic is a bit self indulgent but I guess I’ve written 168 blogs here in attempt to help others, so maybe I can write this one in an attempt to help myself. Heh- I still have my sense of humor.
I’m not going to go too deeply into who my grandmother was and what she meant to me. I don’t even know that it could be put into words. I will say that she was a 99 year old remarkable woman who knew me and loved me my entire life. She died in her own bed and even cooked for herself until 97 years old. To say that she will be missed daily would be obvious. We visited her every Sunday for at least the past year so when this Sunday is her funeral instead, it will seem particularly weird and final. It seems to me that saying goodbye to someone you love is a process. I also think that we can keep them alive through our memories, stories and through the ways in which we inhabit their values, advice, example and spirit.
I am posting a slideshow here to honor my grandmother’s memory, along with a poem that I just wrote for her.

In attempt to make this relevant, here are 10 ways that we can honor our loved ones who have passed:
1. Write a poem or honor them in a creative work
2. Light a candle at home, synagogue of church
3. Write an article about them
4. Make a collage of their pictures and put it in a place of honor
5. Make a recipe they loved and talk about them while eating it
6. Visit their grave site at least annually and bring flowers or memorabilia
7. Watch a video of them with loved ones
8. Write letters to them in your journal
9. Read old letters and cards from them
10. Dedicate a plaque, tree or bench for them somewhere meaningful

I don’t have any real answers and of course none of these things are as good as having that person here, so be compassionate with yourself. Take the time you need to rest, cry and mourn your loss. Take time alone if you need it. Find places to connect with the person who has passed, or with those memories. Remember that it will probably get easier with time but it will take as long as it takes. There’s a line from a movie I love called, ‘Hideous Kinky’ that says, ‘Tears are for memorial.’ So do not be afraid to show and express your love. It is a connection point and it makes you human.

The Evergreen Root of My Tree

You watered me
Washed and brushed my hair
When I was just a sapling
Helped me straighten and grow

My Best in Love,

Paulette

www.mydatingschool.com
 

My 99 year old Grandmother Riva (1910-2010)

Here are some pictures of our memories. She will be greatly missed.