Unconscious Mating

Last night we had a great date night. We went to see the James Taylor & Carole King concert in Madison Square Garden. I felt like it was a historic event. (Not only because we got out late on a weeknight) but because these iconic singers came together for a world tour after knowing other for forty years. Personally, I have loved James Taylor and Carole King music since high school so it was very exciting to see them together on stage. It is also great when you go to a concert and every song is a hit that you know. The whole audience was singing along and there was an intimacy and groundedness to their performance that comes from authenticity and years of experience. You could see that both artists had great fun and were passionate about their work. Perhaps most strikingly, Carole King is 68 and James Taylor is now 62 but they were dancing and singing their heart out the whole time. It was inspiring to see that they only improved with age! Their friendship, love and history remains deep.
These are the types of performers whose songs we will be singing long after they are gone. Their music stands for something and you could feel the very large room fill with love throughout many of their ballads. The mood was romantic and mellow and I would definitely suggest this type of concert for a date night. We will be very tired at work today but there was no doubt that it was worth it. So if you do not want to go international, maybe you can still catch them at their next stop in Massachusetts. I would highly recommend it!
My Best in Love,
Paulette
www.mydatingschool.com  
Author of ‘Dating from the Inside out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ published by Atria Books
Related Links:
http://www.caroleking.com/tour2010/tour.html  
http://troubadour-reunion.com/carole-king/?utm_source=site&utm_medium=redirect&utm_campaign=ckcom  
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/37777082/ns/today-entertainment  
http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=james+taylor+%26+carole+king+concert&FORM=VDRE&qpvt=james+taylor+%26+carole+king+concert#  (videos of them singing)
http://www.monstersandcritics.com/music/news/article_1513036.php/Carole-King-and-James-Taylor-Troubadour-Reunion-world-tour-dates  
 

mermaids by the hundreds in Coney Island

Our date night yesterday took place at the Mermaid Parade 2010 in Coney Island where 500,000 people came out to see and be mermaids (and mermen). It had the fun and creativity of Halloween bringing with it the spirit of summer, the sea and romance. People looked beautiful in their sparsely clad outfits, sparkles and gifts from the sea. They were in full party mode on a fine sunny beach day, ready to revel in their freedom and to celebrate summer, Coney Island and the goddess of the sea. It was quite a sight.
My husband and I got stuck in such a crowd that we could hardly move one direction or the other and I was definitely too short to see the parade. It was a bummer but we made the best of it, eventually being able to move amongst the crowd. I took random photos of mermaids in the audience and luckily even observers came out in full costume and they looked great!
Afterwards we attended the Mermaid Ball at the nearby NY Aquarium. This was also packed and it sold out after just half the line got through. So if you try to go next year I definitely suggest prepaying your tickets online. They had bands and circus sideshow performers, free rum drinks and tons of mermaid costumes and seafaring characters. If you love to people watch, it was quite the fun scene.
If you have never been to the Mermaid Parade, it is a Coney Island tradition not to be missed. So check out the photos in my slideshow for now at: http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-2473-NY-Love-Examiner~y2010m6d20-The-Mermaid-Love-Date and next year definitely have a look in person. It can be a great place to meet singles or to dress up and have fun with a date!
My Best in Love,
Paulette
www.mydatingschool.com
Author of ‘Dating from the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ published by Atria Books.
Related Links:
http://northstargallery.com/pages/MermaidHome.htm  
http://www.coneyislandusa.com/mermaid.shtml  
 

Mermaid Parade 2010

mermaids by the hundreds in Coney Island

Our date night yesterday took place at the Mermaid Parade 2010 in Coney Island where 500,000 people came out to see and be mermaids (and mermen). It had the fun and creativity of Halloween bringing with it the spirit of summer, the sea and romance. People looked beautiful in their sparsely clad outfits, sparkles and gifts from the sea. They were in full party mode on a fine sunny beach day, ready to revel in their freedom and to celebrate summer, Coney Island and the goddess of the sea. It was quite a sight.
My husband and I got stuck in such a crowd that we could hardly move one direction or the other and I was definitely too short to see the parade. It was a bummer but we made the best of it, eventually being able to move amongst the crowd. I took random photos of mermaids in the audience and luckily even observers came out in full costume and they looked great!
Afterwards we attended the Mermaid Ball at the nearby NY Aquarium. This was also packed and it sold out after just half the line got through. So if you try to go next year I definitely suggest prepaying your tickets online. They had bands and circus sideshow performers, free rum drinks and tons of mermaid costumes and seafaring characters. If you love to people watch, it was quite the fun scene.
If you have never been to the Mermaid Parade, it is a Coney Island tradition not to be missed. So check out the photos in my slideshow for now at: http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-2473-NY-Love-Examiner~y2010m6d20-The-Mermaid-Love-Date and next year definitely have a look in person. It can be a great place to meet singles or to dress up and have fun with a date!
My Best in Love,
Paulette
www.mydatingschool.com
Author of ‘Dating from the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ published by Atria Books.
Related Links:
http://northstargallery.com/pages/MermaidHome.htm  
http://www.coneyislandusa.com/mermaid.shtml  
 

Mermaid Parade 2010

You probably think that I am talking about the upcoming July 4th festivities, but I’m not. We all know that fireworks spell romance and we look forward to that one time a year because fireworks displays are so expensive and rare. But now you can take your date to free fireworks on the beach in Coney Island in Brooklyn every Friday throughout the summer (weather permitting). We went to the first display this Friday June 18th and it was great! Fireworks can be viewed from the boardwalk or the beach in Coney Island and they usually start at 9:30 PM or 10PM. You can walk the beach, watch the fireworks and grab a drink at one of the outdoor restaurants or pubs on the boardwalk. She will love it! This is a great date if you are newly dating, in a long-term relationship or married, so check it out!
It was hard to capture the beauty but you can view my slideshow at: http://www.examiner.com/x-2473-NY-Love-Examiner~y2010m6d18-The-Free-Fireworks-Date
Related Links:
http://www.coneyislandfunguide.com/Events/FridayNightFireworks_06_19_2009-2124.htm  
http://www.coneyisland.com/tourism.shtml  
http://amusingthezillion.com/2010/06/17/coney-island-fireworks-show-every-friday-plus-4-saturdays/

My Best in Love,

Paulette

www.mydatingschool.com

Author of ‘Dating from the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ published by Atria Books. 
 

Fireworks every friday in Coney island on the beach!

Last night we rented a Netflix movie from 1981 called ‘Modern Romance’ starring Albert Brooks.  It focused on a man who was ambivalent about relationships and commitment. He went back and forth continually about the woman he was dating, driving her crazy in the process.  His neuroticism was palpable and it was clear that the drama was mostly within him, not in their relationship.  I will warn you that this movie feels old in that it moves slowly compared to films made today.  You will have to have patience to get through it (and it may annoy you) but it does present a good picture of how one’s dating psychology can impact their love success.

I think this is an important topic because I often hear singles turn upon themselves when a relationship fails.  They automatically blame themselves for a break-up or for other relationships hiccups and this affects their self-esteem.  Of course it is important to look at yourself and to gain insight into your stumbling blocks when it comes to love but this film highlights that it can sometimes be the other person!  I have seen cases where one partner backs away due to their internal conflicts, no matter how calm and wonderful the other person may be.  This is important to remember and it could save you weeks of tormenting yourself.

The character that Albert Brooks plays in this film illustrates how often our inner conflicts get played out as outer conflicts in our relationships.  For example Brooks has an internal conflict where he wants to be with his girlfriend all the time and at the same time he wants to be alone.  With other singles common internal conflicts include:  wanting commitment versus wanting freedom, wanting intimacy versus personal space, wanting someone who really wants to be with you versus picking someone who is emotionally unavailable (and many more core conflict varieties).  The point is that these conflicts are like two parts of your self that remain continually at odds and cause perpetual indecision in your relationships and psyche.  In these cases, it may look like you are fighting with your partner when really you are conflicted within yourself.  So sometimes it can be important to look with to understand your own dating psychology and fears before you determine the fate of an outer relationship.  In the film, Brooks was a good for therapy but instead he ends up marrying his girlfriend, getting divorced from her a month later and then starting to date her again!  This shows how powerfully our conflicts can continue to direct us and our lives when we don’t pay close attention to understanding and dealing with them. They constantly place us in ‘no win situations’ taunting us to look at and resolve them!  

If upon reading this you feel that your conflicts about love or the opposite sex are affecting the success of your love life, read my book, ‘Dating from the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ and do the exercises in the Unconscious Dating section.  If you need even more help, consider going to therapy for a period of time to examine how your inner vision of love gets reenacted in your outer relationships. 

This film helps us realize how much misery our inner conflicts can cause ourselves and our partners when they are not recognized.  We are all works in progress and probably all of us have psychological conflicts but there are varying degrees of havoc that these ‘tug of wars’ can play.  So consider working on your relationship with yourself so that you will be more conscious about what you bring to the table in your relationships.  Conversely, you might also consider that the people you date may have unresolved conflicts that they will project upon you and your relationship and if this is the case, you probably will not be able to fix it.  They need to be willing to do their own work!

If you have the patience to see this film, let us know what you think.  And if you have had experiences where a person’s inner dating conflicts affected your relationship, please feel free to share your experience here.

My Best in Love,

Paulette

www.mydatingschool.com

Author of ‘Dating from the Inside Out: how to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ published by Atria Books. Check it out at: http://www.amazon.com/Dating-Inside-Out-Attraction-Matters/dp/1582701946/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1233428205&sr=8-1 

Related Links:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082764/

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/modern_romance/

http://www.albertbrooks.com/modern.html

Grand Opening of Luna Park in Coney Island

pks

Saturday May 29th was beautiful out and for once we had too many great free things to do in just one day! First, there was the Grand Opening of Luna Park in Coney Island and we wanted to go check it out and see what the finished product looked like. We have always loved the regular Coney Island amusement park (since that was the site of our first date) but now they have added a new companion park with 19 new rides! It was crowded so we just walked through to check it out and I took some pictures for the slideshow below (in case you want to visit it). There is going to be a log flume ride too but it is not up and running yet. So if you go have a date in Coney Island, be sure to try out the newest rides.
Afterwards we were starving so we made a quick stop to Sahara’s Restaurant for dinner. It is a quick drive from the amusement park and the food there is great, reasonably priced and they even have a pretty outdoor garden with a waterfall. I have pasted reviews below and their website if you want dinner to be part of your date.
Then we left Brooklyn and headed to the Globe Sonic Sound System DJ Dance Party in Manhattan on 68th Street and Riverside. There was free music and dancing on the pier there. There was also an outdoor café where people could eat, drink and listen to music. It was great to see the eclectic crowd dancing. This included babies, couples, singles and people young and old. I think this event happens again on Saturday June 19th from 4-11PM so you have another chance to check it out. If you are single it might be a great place to meet people and if you are dating, you can go there and dance, look at the water and listen to music for free. I’ve posted some pictures in the slideshow at: http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-2473-NY-Love-Examiner~y2010m5d31-The-Free-Festive-Date.
Lastly we were supposed to attend a free beer fest party but time got away from us so it ended up being over by the time we were going to swing by. We were disappointed because there were a lot of folks we really wanted to see and we had planned it last so that we would not have to rush. Ironic right, but not surprising because it started at 3PM and we were going to start driving there at 8PM! Hopefully we will make it next year!
So our date day was just one example of how you can have a great date day without breaking the budget. Soon there will be free outdoor movies and concerts in the summer all over NYC so you just need to do your homework.
If you have other good ideas for fun events or cheap date ideas, please share them below.
My Best in Love,

Paulette
www.mydatingschool.com  
Author of ‘Dating from the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ published by Atria Books.

Related Links:
http://coneyislandfunguide.com/Events/Grand-Opening-Day-at-Luna-Park_5_29_2010-2454.htm  
http://www.saharapalace.com/  
http://www.yelp.com/biz/sahara-brooklyn#query:Sahara%20Restaurant  
http://brooklyn.citysearch.com/profile/7372003/brooklyn_ny/sahara.html  
http://www.tripadvisor.com/Restaurant_Review-g60827-d445213-Reviews-Sahara_Restaurant-Brooklyn_New_York.html  
http://www.zagat.com/Verticals/PropertyDetails.aspx?VID=8&R=51792  
http://www.nycgovparks.org/events/2010/05/29/summer-on-the-hudson-globsonic-sound-system-dance-party  

I was able to steal away a bit of ‘me time’ this Friday and it was so nice.  My husband was going out at night so we arranged for me to have the afternoon free and I attempted to see ‘Sex and the City 2’ in Brooklyn at 11am, thinking that it might be less crowded than Manhattan.

First I went for a walk on the beach near Coney Island, which was beautiful and peaceful.  Then I went to the UA Sheepshead Bay 14 movie theater to see ‘Sex and the City 2’ and I was able to walk right in.  I did enjoy the movie but I found it a little less fun and sexy than the first one, and a bit more real.  The film focuses on the transition from single to married life and what that entails.  For Carrie married life lacks some sparkle, spontaneity and romance.  Not a fan of routine, Carrie longs to go out more and she wants to recapture the passion with Mr. Big.  (She even calls him John now).  He settles into their life together, wanting to relax at home, order in food and watch television sometimes.  Carrie is not pleased with the changes.  We see similar struggles and malaise from some of our other characters:  Ever chipper Charlotte secretly cries in the closet because she is overwhelmed as a mother of two.  Miranda feels torn between work and being a mom.  Only Samantha mostly manages to maintain her former life but even she now has to contend with the realities of aging and menopause. 

One thing I liked about this film is that it allows us to see the cracks, humanity and burgeoning maturity in these glamour girls.  Although they still crave adventure and dress great, they now have their minds on bigger things than just designers, restaurants and hot spots.  This may not provide as much of an escape for the average viewer but I think many more people can relate to these real life issues.

Without going into too much detail, this film touches on issues regarding marriage including fidelity, needing time alone, boredom, the burn out of motherhood and domesticity, the balance of work and home life and the importance of friends in getting helping you to get through these challenges.

I enjoyed the movie and recommend seeing it.  If you do, please post your comments and let us know what you think!

Directly across from the movie theater was a Cold Stone Creamery.  I have never been there before but I indulged in a waffle cone with cheesecake ice cream and M&Ms.  Yum! If you’ve never been there before, you must try it!

I had to stop at Macy’s in Kings Plaza to get a gift for someone so I had a little time for shopping before finally heading home.

So there you have it: a walk on the beach, Sex & The City 2, an ice cream break and shopping—what a great ‘Me Time’ day date!  You can design your own but do take some time for yourself to refuel.  This was a big theme in the movie and I think it is an important thing for us all to remember in our hectic full lives.

My Best in Love,

Paulette

www.mydatingschool.com

Author of ‘Dating from the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ published by Atria Books.

Related Links:

http://www.sexandthecitymovie.com/

http://www.coldstonecreamery.com/

http://www.movietickets.com/house_detail.asp?house_id=89

Show on Becoming the Partner You Want to Attract

Effi Cohen

My last cable show airs tomorrow on Saturday May 22nd at 7:30 PM. The show is called ‘Something to Offer’ and the host Anne Marie explores ‘How to Become the Partner You Want to Attract’ with me as the expert and another single guest who discusses her personal experience.
It will air this Saturday 7:30PM on Manhattan cable in channel TW 56 or RCN 83. If you live in another borough besides Manhattan or in another state entirely you can watch it on your computer on Saturday at 7:30 PM on www.mnn.org  . Just select the drop down channel option and watch it there. This won’t be posted on utube so try and catch it live if you can.

I think this is a very important topic because often singles spend a lot of time focusing on how to find a partner without taking any time to find themselves.  Of course this is a life long process of growing into who we want to be, but my book, ‘Dating From the Inside Out’ has a whole middle section to help you determine your level of self-esteem, life satisfaction, values and life vision.  This is an important step to determining the type of partner who will best suit you.

If you catch the show, I’d love to hear your comments and your persponal examples of how self development work has helped you with dating.

Thanks!

My Best in Love,

Paulette

www.mydatingschool.com

Author of ‘Dating From the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ published by Atria Books.
 

When I work with singles I often hear women complain that men text them to ‘meet up’ and then they ask the woman last minute, ‘What do you want to do? Why don’t you just pick something.’  Many women classify this as ‘lazy dating’ and men, often when you do this, you are losing points!

Making a simple plan for a date does not have to be hard and today I have two resources for you that may help ease the pain:

Suggestion #1:  My friend Lyn started a website called, ‘Not Just Another Guide‘ which can be found at: http://www.notanotherguide.com/.  It has locals describe their favorite spots in a particular neighborhood and you can access to this information for free!  One blog even describes 5 NY seduction spots.  When I asked Lyn how she happened upon this brain child she said that honeymooner friends were visiting New York but she could not meet up with them.  By proxy she typed up a one page description of places that they should go and they followed it and had an amazing time!  This led Lyn to think that locals have the most personal and best travel information as to what to see and why.  The guides on her webpage are just one page so they are quick to read and easy to follow in just a day.

There are at least three great uses for her website:

1-      You can look up a neighborhood in the city and hear a personal recommendation for restaurants and things to do in minutes.  It’s free to check out and great for local last minute date ideas.

2-      If you want to take your date on a mini break or take a vacation to a spot you do not know well you can look up itineraries for free on this site as well and decide where to spend your time.

3-      Lastly, if you love to write, want to be published or wish to share your favorite spots, you can submit a one page description of your favorite locales.  Check out her website for more information about writing a guide.  It is easy to do!

Resource #2  is called www.yelp.com .  On this website you can check out a particular restaurant you are considering and read about other’s experiences of it or, if you type in your zip code you can check out suggested restaurants or date spots right around there.  If you have not tried this site, check it out.

With just these two simple suggestions you can find a date idea in minutes.  So happy planning!

My Best in Love,

Paulette

www.mydatingschool.com

Author of ‘Dating From the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ published by Atria Books.

My husband suggested that we go to a laser show for our date night at a place that he had just heard about called The Vanderbuilt Planetarium.  It was in Long Island so the drive turned out to take us quite awhile during rush hour but the areas we went through were quite pretty.  Also this planetarium was a bit cheaper, with free parking, compared to the New York one.

When we arrived at Centerport (where the planetarium was) we were starving so we drove to the next town called Northport to eat dinner.  We ended up randomly at this place called Nocello’s Ristorante and we were pleasantly surprised.  It was a nice looking restaurant with great food, a large dance floor and a band that played classic romantic music.  The food was good and it was not that expensive.  I ordered a steak and mashed potatoes and split it with my husband.  He also ordered an appetizer of chicken wings (which was quite plentiful) and we both got house salads and two ginger ales.  Our total tab came to $38 before tip.  This also included the music and dancing which was a nice surprise.  The place seemed to draw an older crowd so it might be a good place for singles over 40 to go there to meet people.  They also have a large bar area.  I think it would also be a nice date spot for dinner and dancing for couples of all ages, particularly if you are in the area and are going to the planetarium afterwards.  Lastly, they have an area of this restaurant which seems condusive to hosting parties like brunches or even small weddings and birthdays.  They are reasonably priced with a dance floor so it might be a good idea to check out this place for your upcoming occasions.  We enjoyed it!

Afterwards we drove next door to the Vanderbuilt Planetarium.  We were supposed to see a laser show there but the laser was temporarily broken so we saw a planetarium show called ‘The Solar System’ instead.   Admission was $7 each for a 40 minute show (for laser shows the admission price is $10 each).  The grounds there were lovely and the show was educational and fun.  Personally I love planetariums.  Looking up at a sky full of stars is so peaceful.  I used to imagine having a dome shaped ceiling in my bedroom where I could project all the stars…but there is something spacious and magnificent about the planetarium.  It is definitely a romantic original date for a change of pace and it’s cheaper than going to the movies!  So check it out and you will have a great time.  Visit their website for show times and directions.  I’ve posted contact info for both the planetarium and the restaurant below. Enjoy!

My Best in Love,

Paulette

www.mydatingschool.com

Author of ‘Dating from the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ published by Atria Books.

CONTACT INFO:

Nocello’s Ristorante

843 Fort Salonga Road

Northport, New York

11768

631-262-8565

www.nocellos.com  

Suffolk County Vanderbuilt Planetarium 180 Little Neck Road

Centerport, NY

11721

631-854-5555

www.vanderbuiltmuseum.org 

Related Links:  http://www.yelp.com/biz/vanderbilt-museum-and-planetarium-centerport

http://www.nytimes.com/1995/02/26/nyregion/dining-out-a-standby-takes-an-adventurous-turn.html

http://www.zagat.com/Verticals/PropertyDetails.aspx?VID=8&R=100535843